Now that school is in full swing, I am back to the daily struggle of balancing the school schedule, dance classes, homework, and the dreaded screen time with J who is now 10 and in 5th grade. Every day I fight the battle of limitation: her desire to watch people narrating as they play “virtual worlds” video games on YouTube, play the game herself, or make a Musical.ly videos, and honestly none of these I like one bit.
Devices have taken the place of TV and even movies to a large extent as far as our kids are concerned. YouTube has become the new TV and reality TV has spawned a new generation of “me, too” (not that one). Kids can create and post anything online they want and anyone can watch it. They can make videos in which they open toys, put on make-up, make satisfying slime, take part in challenges, produce their renditions of the latest pop songs and more, much, much more. The trends on YouTube change constantly. It’s an addiction for young minds with a lot of free time but not yet the maturity to manage the power in their little hands.
I constantly wonder as I am in the kitchen doing the dishes what she is seeing as she scrolls down on my old iPhone nearby that has Wi-Fi—a term she could utter and understand—long ago. Where is she going on YouTube, which offers an endless stream of similar videos you’re already watching, but can quickly veer off and go down egregious paths that can progressively become more shocking and inappropriate as each new video is viewed. How do I control this without sitting and looking over her shoulder and approving her every next click.
Sure there are parental controls and restrictions available, but aren’t our kids just going to find a way to do and see what they want online anyway? We’re talking 5th grade, playdates, and computers at the library. Many of their friends may have phones and tablets. If we restrict them from sites they want to access, won’t that make the forbidden fruit more alluring?
And what about just basic common sense stuff that kids just don’t know yet? For example: use a different password with every site, change your password from time to time, be sure to log out of your account particularly when you are on any computer other than your own.
Some parents I know have provided their kids phones at way too early of an age, in my opinion, like third grade for example. These are babysitters, not phones. Meanwhile the parents are downstairs watching their shows on TV and the eight-year old child is upstairs in his or her room is with the phone, watching, seeing, and likely posting anything. You okay with that?
Moments ago I went on YouTube to see the latest video my child watched along with a column to the right of videos that will play next—she doesn’t even have to click anything. Here is a collection of the titles I saw: “My little sister and I ran away from home,” “They were embarrassed of their ugly baby,” “Sneaking out of school with my boyfriend,” and, “Roblox School Shooter,” yes, you read that last one right. Click on the game and your jaw will drop.
I figure my best line of defense is a multifaceted-approach: teach J. the dangers of the internet while keeping a close eye on where she goes and what she watches, and then set limits on usage. And in an age-appropriate way but not to instill an unhealthy level of fear, let her know what is out there. For example, her new anonymous “friend” might not be who she says she is. Sophie, who says she is a 10 year-old girl from Maine might really be a man in LA.
When I was a kid—I tell my kid—there were no cell phones. Remember, 2007 was not that long ago, the year the iPhone was introduced. Look at how far things have progressed since then, at everyone’s finger tips.
J. will be a teenager soon with the need for a phone so she can call me any time. But what happens then? She’ll have a phone but not be under my watchful eye. I am hopeful that when this day comes, which it will, I’ll have coached her well enough on the dangers of online and she will make good decisions on her own.
Ahhh, I hope.
—SBM
Single Busy Mommy 