Possibly the best book I’ve read so far on parenting is “Permission to Parent” by Robin Berman. This is an excellent book on how to raise your children with love and limits and a very worthwhile read. It’s eye-opening. The author talks of the evolution of parenting styles and how we went from too strict (children are seen not heard, with fear and shame baked in to gain parental control—all bad and not a recipe for healthy self-esteem) to the other end of the spectrum. The children of the former parenting style went on to shower their kids with praise and support and dare I say it, helicoptering over them constantly to ensure they don’t get hurt, have everything they need, and get plenty of encouragement. And trophies.
Both ways of parenting are extreme and neither effective, according to the author. Robin offers great practical advice on how to build self- esteem in your kids, how giving them responsibility for themselves as early as possible builds their confidence and emotional security. Let them make mistakes! Like let them forget to take their violin to class and experience the consequences of their oversight firsthand. This teaches them a much better cause-and-effect lesson than if you were to race home, grab the forgotten instrument, and race back to school to deliver it to your child. No, not good.
Think about it: ultimately, we’re raising our kids to live without us. Sad as that sounds, this is what we need to do. That doesn’t mean this process happens without love, caring, and support. It does mean that kids need to make choices about their lives, the sooner the better—with parental guidance of course. And they need to feel the results of those choices.
This approach really works, but there is so much more the author has to offer. Get the book. Read the book. I promise that you won’t be disappointed.
—SBM
Single Busy Mommy 