Why do we do this to our kids? There are so many family situations: one mom, one dad, two moms, two dads, raised by grandparents, a guardian, foster kids, the list goes on, and what about children who lost a parent due to illness or an accident? Every year many kids in elementary schools have to face the Mother’s and Father’s Day activities in school, which could be a particularly sad moment for them. Other kids may ask them uncomfortable questions that a child may not even know how to answer yet.
Do we really need to do this? Or would it be better to interpret these celebrations on a family and more personal level in which the celebration of “parents” (whatever you have) can be adjusted to fit your particular family. A friend of mine texts me Happy Father’s Day every year (along with Happy Mother’s Day) and I can’t help but say that she gets it. I am both. But that takes care of me, what about my child and others facing these holiday conventions that hurt?
Celebrating our parents or guardians, those who feed us, clothe us, and rock us to sleep at 2 a.m. when they can barely keep their eyes opened is good, and it is wonderful to take a moment out of life’s busyness to acknowledge and give thanks to those who parent and care for us. Flowers, slippers, candy, cleaning the kitchen for you, a nice dinner, breakfast in bed (I never got this one, that’s the last thing I’d want, but if that’s what one likes, bring it on) once year a year to say thanks is all good.
But the standardized cookie-cutter approach of these two holidays seems out of touch to me and sorely in need of a refresh.
Consider that what was once commonly referred to as “Secretary’s Day” is known today as “Administrative Professionals Day.” See, there you go. This one was modernized to reflect modern times. Maybe it’s time to rename the conventional “Mother’s and Father’s Days” in a way that recognizes the diversity of family structures. I don’t know what that name would be, any ideas? Even Parent’s Day would be better.
Of course changing this institution is a tall order. Getting rid of one or the other or combining the two would impact the bottom and top line of many a company that rakes it in during these occasions, offering greeting cards, flowers, and gifts. Yep, raking it in. But I wish the convention would stay out of the elementary school curriculum of annual activities.
Here’s an idea. Instead of making gifts and cards for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day in school use this as a learning opportunity to discuss and acknowledge the many different kinds of families in our communities as well as the many caring adults who are in our children’s lives. An article entitled “Diverse Families on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day” offers great ideas on how elementary school teachers can take advantage of these holidays to make it more welcoming for all students and their families. Heck, schools can create their own “Parent’s Day” or “Family Day,” seriously, why not?
—SBM
Single Busy Mommy 