I am standing at my AC unit fan thing outside with the repairman. I’m staring at a gauge as he explains (who knows what) to me. I am not, in the least, understanding a word he’s saying though I’m smiling, nodding, and acting like I do. He could be talking about a thermal dynamics plasma cutter in German and I would have the same level of comprehension.
There is talk of freezing, water, “refrigerate,” and a slow leak. I understand these words individually, of course, but put them together in the context of an air conditioner not working and I’m out. And what caused the leak? He said it could be one of 500 things. All I want to know is if I go back into the house, can I turn the AC back on because it’s hot.
I couldn’t add value to this situation if I tried. I am relying on him 100%. My entire air conditioning and heating world is in Gareth’s capable, knowledgeable hands. Anything he says I will say “okay.” What else could I say? I have not idea how AC units work. I can’t chime in, rubbing my chin and say… “I think the coils aren’t getting warm air circulating around them,” (or) “I think something is wrong with the airflow and the evaporator coil is getting too cold causing a layer of ice to build up outside . . . .”
No, all I can do is nod my head and pray he’s an honest. And I’m also thinking, what does he have up his sleeves? He’s got me going with “I am 99.9 percent confident it will fit” (new motor and new something else part, I forgot, but there is wee bit of a chance it “won’t” fit in which case $900ish goes to $2,300ish.)
I have no clue how my house works. The water heater? A big tank of warmed water in the corner of the garage that equates to me turning on a faucet marked “hot” and then hot water running. The auto sprinklers for the lawn? No clue. One time I was cleaning around the dial in the garage and I guess I accidentally turned off “auto.” Then months go by and I’m noticing the grass is dying. Whaaaaa??? I go to the garage, see the dial on “off” and remember. Oh, man. Dead grass, it’s all my fault.
One time, my TV screen was acting weird and apparently “zoomed in” so I couldn’t view the channel display below. I played around with the umpteen remotes, the one for the cable, the TV one, I couldn’t figure it out so I got on the phone with the Philippines customer service agent who was trying to “troubleshoot” with me. I was at it for hours, placed on hold, trying this, pressing that until 1 a.m. finally we realized that someone, who came to J’s birthday party that day and was watching TV must have selected “zoom” on the TV remote. Then he left. That is all that it was. One click that resulted in my hours on the phone, on hold, in hell, trying to figure out what was wrong.
I want to marry one of those Geek Squad guys, for a like a week, then we can get the marriage annulled. I want him to take me around my house and show me how EVERYTHING works, as I carry my legal pad and scribble down everything he says. Water heater, water, gas, internet, sprinklers, the ticking thing that happens when I clean the stove (that cost $100 once and it was just soap bubbles clogging the dang fire thing.) How to turn off the fire place “fan” that sounds like a heater and ruins the mood, ugh, that was another $100 visit only to learn there is an on and off switch.
Yep, I am clueless. SOS … ever after.
—SBM
Single Busy Mommy 