How busy am I, really? I’ll give you an example. And I am forcing myself to sit down and write this—at this exact moment— to release my frustration and complete feeling of angst. Moments like these drag you down to your knees and, like a book thrown at your head, give you a reckoning of how insane your life schedule is during each waking moment of your life.
At these times, with, whatever happened, it all comes crashing down. All you want to do is scream at the top of your lungs at the situation that is the cherry on top of piled up frustrations that you’ve pushed aside in your mind. Now all of them are smacking you in the face to make you take notice. It’s beyond being late everywhere you go, getting to bed at midnight when you have to be up at 6:30 a.m., and facing traffic 4 times a day. These kinds of situations grab you by the balls to tell you that the pace of your life is insane.
But actually, it’s worse because you don’t know what to do to fix it. Stop cleaning the litter box? Stop doing the dishes? Stop wanting the house to be clean—to some minimal degree? The remedy sounds easy. “Take care of yourself,” I hear. “Allocate time just for you,” is another, or “Let it go until tomorrow.” And while I try (of course I try!) it’s still hard to walk away from a sink full of dirty dishes knowing they will be there the next day, or, find an available inch of wiggle room in my life—for “me” time. Every wiggle is taken.
Other people say laugh it off, don’t take these things so seriously! Umm, no can do “in the moment,” at which times all I want to do is knock chairs over and push everything off the counter with one swipe. I roasted a whole organic chicken that has been taking up room in the freezer for weeks and then more room in the refrigerator to thaw. When it was thawed and cooked, I cleaned up the crock pot, broke the chicken down into lunch-size servings to take to work. I added sides: organic roasted corn and organic spinach, and then in the refrigerator these lunches went.
Then, in the morning, I got one meal out, put it in a lunch bag to take to work, and then I left the bag on the counter driving away and leaving the meal behind. I got to work with no lunch. I got home that night and had to throw away perfectly good (though now bad) food. And I did this twice. This week.
One time, okay, I could reason it was a one-off, but twice? Especially when, the second time I thought to myself, as I was rushing out the door, wouldn’t it something if I forgot this one too? And then I went ahead and did exactly that.
I realize my frustrations and suffering pale in comparison to what others face in their lives. It’s just a meal, two meals, lost. I am not living in a refugee camp, fleeing a war-torn country. I have a wonderful child, I am not starving, there is more food in my refrigerator or I can buy more. I have a roof over my head. I have my health.
But this is where I am. These are the situations I face. This is my reality. I am a Single Busy Mommy after all and it’s all on me. One day I may be able to laugh off two lunches left on the counter, but not today.
—SBM (trying to hang in there)
Single Busy Mommy 