Today on my usual drive to pick up J, I ran across a homeless man laying on the sidewalk asleep. His shopping cart of belongings were off to the left. He was laying on some sort of bedding and had on a decent pair of shoes that seemed to fit. His feet were dangling over the curb as the cars drove past. His skin was golden brown from the sun. His arms folded up over his chest in what seemed to be a form of protection. We are at our most vulnerable when we are asleep.
I drove to the studio, picked J up and then once she got in the car I grabbed my wallet to see how much cash I had. I found a $20 bill. I raced back to the place where the man was sleeping, hoping he would still be there. When I saw him, I pulled into the parking lot behind him. As I stopped the car, J asked what I was doing. I said I was going to give the man on the street $20 and to wait in the car.
I walked up to him and noticed he was fast asleep. I hated to wake him but wanted to give him the money. I said, “Do you want money?” It didn’t wake him. I asked again. Nothing. I looked at his stomach to see if it was going up and down to indicate he was breathing. It was. I asked again. I was tempted to just place the bill into his hand, but I thought he might jerk awake, startled and afraid. I asked again and this time he woke up. I said, “Here, some money.” He squinted into the bright sun, looked at me and took the money. He thanked me. I said, sure. I went back to the car. J was on her phone. The guy from the Cross Fit workout place, opposite of where I parked, walked out of his gym and asked me if the guy was okay. I said yeah. “I just gave him $20 bucks. He was just sleeping.” The Cross Fit guy seemed concerned, sort of or maybe just concerned for me. I figured the homeless man was a regular.
As I walked to the car, the homeless guy was up, straightening himself out, and as I slowly drove to the exit, he walked over to me. I stopped the car as he walked toward me.
He could barely talk. His mouth appeared swollen, like he couldn’t get his tongue to work with the rest of his mouth, everything was packed together that he couldn’t enunciate a word. It all mumbled together. But I heard a few things. He pulled up his sleeve to show me the watch on his left arm, and he said the money I gave him would be spent well. He mentioned drugs, as if to say the money would not go to drugs and said something like giving food to people like him was what they really wanted. I listened and nodded and looked squarely into is his face as he spoke. Moments ago it was dead asleep and now he was awake with gratitude and seemed to be determined to ensure me that he would be responsible with this gift.
I thought he was handsome and wondered what his life may have been like for him before he got to this place. He was once the baby boy of a proud mother, I thought. How did he get here like this, now? What happened? He had pretty blue eyes that reminded me of my friend Paul. In fact, he looked a lot like Paul, I thought.
He seemed a bit in shock yet so appreciative to get a decent amount of money, not a token few bucks. I smiled at him and said it was okay and to take care. And then we drove away as he walked back to his shopping cart. J still on her phone. I hope she took in some of this.
I will never forget his face and how much he wanted to let me know that the money would be spent well. I wish I had a $100 bill in my wallet that day. I’d rather give money to people like this than go to the moon.
—SBM
Single Busy Mommy 